take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
