I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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