you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
