So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
