DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
