Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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