look no pants
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
