We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
