He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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