I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
