She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
