I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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