guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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