I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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