we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
