Im at strip club and am horny
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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