just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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