he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
