When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
