see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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