And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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