Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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