just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
