I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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