double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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