this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
