i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
