you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
