I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
