So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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