Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
