I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
