Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
