FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
