On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
