god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
