I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
