when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
third nipple confirmed
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
