we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
