During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
