it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
