I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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