he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
