Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
