Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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