literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
