you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
