No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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