he wants to bone in the snuggie
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
