Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
