i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
