Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
