I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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