My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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